


i’ve been quiet for so long

by mind_boggling



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: M/M, THE GAYS - Freeform, a ship i didn’t know i needed, but a ship that is fucking GOD TIER, i will light this tag UP, panthor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-24
Updated: 2018-07-24
Packaged: 2019-06-15 20:24:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15420888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mind_boggling/pseuds/mind_boggling
Summary: The minute their talk turned to silence, there was a strange bubble of tension in the air, that was palpable between the both of them. With Thor, it was his extended gazes with T’Challa, a small smile settling on his lips as they looked at one another for longer than usual.





	i’ve been quiet for so long

**Author's Note:**

> for my absolute fave and the number one panthor enthusiast chi who i don’t deserve as a friend and fellow shipper. <3
> 
> based off of [chi’s stucky social media au](https://twitter.com/wintersoldwhore/status/1013580568863309824?s=21) where panthor originated and stole the hearts of 1000 whole ass people. her mind!

They had been moving about their apartment so quietly. Their movements were strange and foreign, but it was the only way they knew how to do things recently.

T’Challa knew something was off between them from the minute Thor had walked in the front door on that Monday. It had been five whole days of walking around in silence, muttering small talk at the dinner table and watching tv in silence sat next to each other. Thor would talk about anything meaningless, like the weather, or if there was an episode of their favourite documentary on tv that night. He could talk for hours about something comical, something witty or something he’d overheard at the movie theatre. And T’Challa played along, reciprocating their chat and laughing along with Thor. Listening to what he had to say and responding in the appropriate times. 

The minute their talk turned to silence, there was a strange bubble of tension in the air, that was palpable between the both of them. With Thor, it was his extended gazes with T’Challa, a small smile settling on his lips as they looked at one another for longer than usual. T’Challa knew exactly what they meant to him; the fluttering in his chest seemingly the normal response when your more that attractive roommate stares at you in silence, a smile on his face, and _oh my god, did he just look at my lips?_

T’Challa hadn’t dared ask what was on Thor’s mind; it was their hidden code. Don’t ask, just wait for the other to seek help. T’Challa left Thor til the minute he asked for help, and Thor would do the same. Their personal space was important. And if Thor did feel these same things that T’Challa may feel for him, the last thing he wanted to do was force it out of him and create more awkwardness.

But T’Challa knew this was longer than it had ever been. He couldn’t stand the silence anymore, couldn’t stand the obvious suffering that Thor was going through by himself, expressed through odd snapping and facial expressions of anger and repression. He had to intervene at some point, but he didn’t know if Thor would let him. 

He tried that Friday evening. Thor bought takeout on his way back from the theatre, as well as leftover popcorn from that day. It was one of his favourite snacks, and T’Challa could sense from this alone that he was in a relatively good mood. Because of this, he took his chance and gently approached the subject.

“You good?” T’Challa asked, taking the bag from Thor and beginning to place the boxes food on the table in front of him. Thor rooted through their cupboards for two plates and a bottle opener. 

“Yeah, what makes you say that?” Thor replied, joining him at the table with the items, very clearly avoiding T’Challa’s eyes.

T’Challa laughed a little, opening the box of food in front of him and emptying the contents onto his plate. “You won’t even look me in the eye, Thor” 

His eyes darted up immediately, a frown on his face. T’Challa looked straight at him in response, pausing in his movement as did Thor. “Better?”

“Are you okay?” T’Challa asked quickly.

Thor paused opening his beer bottle and looked at T’Challa in silence. “What’s with all the questions?” 

“I’m just asking” T’Challa replied. “I can’t help but notice a change in you and your behaviour. You’re quieter and you’re not yourself? I don’t know. It’s just weird, so I wanted to check, I guess” 

Thor laughed a little, not expecting the uneasy to radiate as it did. T’Challa recognised it immediately. “Since when have you paid such close attention, Challa? 

“We live together, Thor” He deadpanned. “It’s hard not to notice”

“And you’re acting like it’s a burden, because?” Thor replied, a frown appearing on his face. He took a wobbly breath, and his brutal facade had nothing on T’Challa. “Because what? It makes your life harder to tread on eggshells around me and try not to set me off?”

“It’s not a burden, Thor, what are you talking about?” He frowned in response, steadying himself on the table by placing his shaking hands onto it, fists first. 

“You’re complaining like me changing as a person is a bad thing. So what if I’m going through some stuff, Challa, can’t you let me go through it and see me on the other side of it? Is it such a bad thing that I’m changing?” Thor replied.

“No, Thor” T’Challa replied, his anger visceral and prominent. “That’s not what I’m saying at all. You’re allowed to have your own emotions, you’re allowed to brood and to act the way you are, I’m just worried about you, I guess” 

“Worried?” Thor barked a laughter, which came across a little weary to T’Challa. “That’s a first from you, Challa, I’ve gotta say. I’m touched. But seriously, I’m good” 

“You’re sure?” T’Challa replied, his voice having turned monotonous and feeble. Thor’s frown hardened, and he took a few seconds to analyse T’Challa’s expressions in front of him before answering.

“Yes” Thor replied, sipping from his beer and heading toward the kitchen once again, taking the bottle lid to the recycling and returning with cutlery for the pair of them. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

T’Challa was thrown by the question. Thor took a seat opposite him and he sat down almost in response. He didn’t really approach it in the way he wanted to, but Thor’s defensiveness was an obvious sign that there was more to the story. “Uh, yeah? Yeah, why’d you ask?” 

“Common courtesy. How was your day?” Thor asked, beginning to tuck into his food. T’Challa was silent for multiple seconds, still watching Thor eat his food rather than replying. When he tore his eyes away from his food and looked toward T’Challa, he was almost forced to answer. “Challa? What?”

T’Challa forced a laugh, “I’m sorry I just know that’s not the end of it, Thor”

Thor dropped his fork onto the plate, and it landed with a loud clatter. “Are you serious, Challa? I don’t want to talk about it, can you leave it?” 

T’Challa shook his head in response. “No, Thor. Is it me? Have I done something? Why won’t you talk to me about it? I know we have this bullshit code where we wait til the other seeks help, but I’m scared you’ll go too far before seeking it”

Thor’s frown softened at that comment. He took a breath, linking his hands together on the other side of the table. He looked down at his food before back up at T’Challa, a moments silence before he replied. “I can’t talk to you about it” 

“Why not?” He asked quickly; it was almost a snap. “Why not, Thor? We’re roommates, best friends if you will. We’re closer than close gets on most occasions. I tell you pretty much everything and you know that. You know the bat shit crazy about me. Why won’t you do the same for me?”

“Because it’s _about_ you, Challa” Thor replied, sighing loudly as he rubbed his eyes. Avoiding the eye contact again. T’Challa was left mouth agape, and Thor dragged his head off the table to talk again. “I didn’t know what to say to you so I said nothing at all. I didn’t know how you’d react that I’m going batshit crazy thinking about you. All the time. It happens all the time. At work, literally everywhere. I figured you’d noticed and just I tried to ease it off by being quieter. I changed the way I acted around you for both my benefit and yours. If I carried on the way I was going, I don’t know what might have happened. Maybe I’d have done something you didn’t like. Maybe I’d have done something I’d regretted. I didn’t want to scare you away. There, are you happy?” 

T’Challa looked directly at the table as Thor spoke, his own irony grating on him incredibly hard. He eyed his thumbs twiddling over one another, trying to decide what to do or how to respond. It wasn’t the first thing that ran through his head, maybe the last. Thor thinking about him all the time? Reserving himself because he was worried he’d scare T’Challa off? It sent his head spinning. When he finally looked up toward Thor, his eyes were fixated on him in close proximity. His mouth quivered into a smile, and the pang evident in T’Challa’s stomach just cemented how it made him feel. How he felt toward Thor. How he needed to tell him. 

His head and his body didn’t co-operate, and he stood from the table quickly. Too quickly; he began spinning and he moved across the apartment quickly. “I’m sorry,” he said, but Thor was two seconds behind him. “Just give me a minute” 

“Challa, hey, wait,” Thor asked quickly. T’Challa could hear the fear in his voice and his presence close behind his body, but he still headed to the bedroom and shut Thor on the other side of the door. Thor stopped at the foot, pressing his hands against the frames. “Challa, please. I didn’t want to do this to you. Please can we just talk?”

“I think I should move out” T’Challa replied, it being the only sentence in his head that he could form, and the one he wanted to say least. It was the worst possible idea, the one thing he didn’t want to do, but the first thing that came out of his mouth. He moved away from the door toward his bed, hovering about looking where to begin. The door opened quickly behind him, Thor entering his room.

“What? Challa no” He said, taking hold of his arm and stopping his arms from shaking around. “No, that’s not a good idea” 

“I don’t want to put you in this position, Thor” He said, rather harshly. “I don’t want you to have to reserve yourself around me. I don’t want you to not be yourself because of me. I don’t want to not be myself because of you”

“What are you talking about?” Thor asked, narrow eyed and a frown on his face. His hand fell from T’Challa’s arm, his entire body deflating a little as he looked toward him. 

“You think I didn’t notice? I did. I saw it. I saw when you’d look at me, the way you’d look at me. Because I was looking at you in the exact same way. I felt those moments of silence where we wouldn’t know if the other wanted to or not. I did. I didn’t know if you did. The moments when sleep hits after we finish a movie and you look at me and I can’t tell if it’s sleep deprivation or not, but you smile. And it’s soft, and it’s warm, and it makes my insides hurl with happiness. But then you got off the couch and went to bed and I didn’t know what to think” T’Challa replied.

Thor stopped in his tracks completely. He was silent for a mere minute before a laugh escaped his lips. He doubled over a little, before looking back toward T’Challa. “I don’t understand how you captured it so well, Challa” 

Thor stepped closer toward him, placing a hand on his arm almost as a peace offering. T’Challa relaxed into his grip, shutting his eyes as Thor pressed himself against T’Challa in a hug. His face buried itself into the crook of Thor’s neck, arms wrapping themselves around his broad shoulders. He felt Thor’s arm at the bridge of his back, feeling himself relax further into his embrace.

“Please don’t move out” Thor said, his hot breath sending bumps down the left of T’Challa’s body. He felt himself tense up a little, and in response, so did Thor. “I don’t want to live by myself. Call me selfish, but I want you here too”

T’Challa could only let out a little laugh, beginning to pull away from the hug between the two of them. As he did, Thor’s grip tightened on his arms, stopping his face inches from his own. T’Challa felt his chest thump, eyes lazily examining Thor’s features, landing on his eyes, the green and the blue infused with hazel, and his lips, as he spoke the words once more. “Please, Challa, please”

Thor’s hands trailed against his jaw, cupping T’Challa’s face as he pulled him closer. T’Challa feared he’d freeze up and do nothing, but the moment Thor’s lips touched his own, he felt his whole body come alive again. His hands still placed on the bottom of Thor’s rib cage gripped tighter, holding him close to his body. They moved together, Thor’s hand on T’Challa’s cheek, thumb caressing his jaw, whilst the other snaked around his waist to keep them together. 

T’Challa could feel Thor’s heart pounding just as fast as his own when their chests touched, the two of them still together as their noses clashed in a bid to kiss one another. Thor stopped, his forehead against T’Challa’s eyes shut. T’Challa couldn’t take his eyes off him, watching his every movement, wondering when he could kiss him again, whether he could kiss him again. Whether it would be too forward. Instead, he placed his hands on the sides of Thor’s face as he breathed out in exasperation. 

That same lazy smile sat on his face as he panted, “Don’t leave. Please” 

T’Challa took a hand from Thor’s face and placed it on top of Thor’s hand on his own cheek. Their fingers intertwined as much as possible, the squeezing of them together painful but worth it. He stole a kiss from Thor again, taking every single last feature in between the seconds that their lips clashed together. Thor only smiled in response in the middle of their kisses, causing T’Challa to draw him closer. 

“Alright,” he finally replied. “Alright”

**Author's Note:**

>  **title:** song lyrics from ‘ _silence_ ’ by _marshmello + khalid_
> 
> find me elsewhere:
> 
>  **twitter:** vanlangs  
>  **tumblr:** bisexualieberman


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